Great Relationship Coach | Relationship Coaching Solutions to Marriage and Relationship Problems
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Psychologist and Relationship Coach Jack Ito PhD (with his wife Toshie). "I'm Jack Ito. I come from a small town in the North. I'm a churchgoer and a family man. I live with my wife Toshie, our two teen sons, and my mother and father in law. I helped our marines and sailors keep their relationships together when they were trying to forget their time in Iraq. I counseled children and couples for 16 years. I am a psychologist and relationship coach."
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Effective means working without your partner--at first. |
No Matter How Right You May Be, Insisting That Your Spouse be the First to Take Action Keeps You StuckInsistance brings resistance. Change brings change.People who want to go to marriage counseling with their partner often feel stuck if their partner refuses to attend counseling. Often spouses do not wish to go to counseling. The top reasons for this are: 1) Fear that the counselor will side with their spouse against them; 2) Refusal to admit that there are any relationship problems (denial); and 3) Refusal to do anything to work on the marriage because they see the problems as entirely their spouse’s fault (projection of blame). The good news for relationship coaching is that it is completely unnecessary for both partners to receive coaching. The goals of relationship coaching are to learn how to stop harmful behaviors (behaviors which detract from or are counter to your goals), to learn skills that will help you to achieve your goals (such as an improved relationship), and to use the new skills until your goals have been reached and the relationship has stabilized. In Family Counseling and in Relationship Coaching, The Healthiest Person Always Has the Most Power to Improve the Relationships“I cannot work on my relationship because my spouse won’t go to therapy,” is a misguided idea. The most effective way to improve a relationship is to work on the way you interact with your spouse. This is true regardless of the type of behavior that your spouse has. Let me illustrate with two examples. Examples of How You Can Change Your Partner's Behavior by Changing the Way You Interact with Your PartnerExample one: You have tried many times to express your emotions to your partner but it always ends up in conflict. As a result, you have given up on sharing your feelings and your relationship has become more distant. In coaching you learn to identify your emotions and to manage your partner's reactions to them. As a result, you can express you feelings without it leading to conflict. Your relationship improves even though your partner has not attended coaching. Example two: Your spouse's harmful behaviors such as lying, cheating, jealousy, verbal or physical abuse, addictions, and/or neglect are taking a toll on your relationship. You have tried to change your partner through nagging, complaining, and begging and finally realize that doesn't help. You feel powerless and stuck. You get relationship coaching for yourself and learn: 1) how to stop replaying the family drama with your spouse; 2) you learn to set limits on what you will accept (without fighting or argument), and 3) you improve your life while inviting your partner to participate with you. At first your partner is upset with you, but begins to respect you and then to feel more attracted to you. Your relationship improves. If we want our partners to love us, we must earn their respect as well as their trust. |