Frequently Asked Questions About Relationship Coaching

Coaching can be thought of as a combination of learning and action. Learning without action does not lead to change, while action without learning often brings a repetition of failures which make people feel hopeless. Coaching is useful to help people to get things done (goal achievement), but coaching also goes far beyond this. There is no single action that a human being can take that will bring about fulfillment and balance necessary for one to have a true joy of life. Essential to fulfillment is having purpose in one's life. Coaches help people to live their lives on purpose. Coaches use more than 20 specific skills that are not possessed by the general public, including other helping professionals. On a basic level, coaches provide encouragement, support, companionship, and skills training to help clients to achieve fulfillment and balance in their lives.

The emphasis of counseling is the restoration of an individual to his or her highest level of previous functioning. To restore a person to this level, the goals of counseling relate to overcoming problems which have caused the person to fall below the previous level of functioning. Thus, if a person has developed an anxiety disorder, the goal is to remove the disorder. Once this is done, the counseling is essentially finished unless other problems are identified. While this approach is essential for those with serious problems, it does very little to help a person to go beyond their previous level of functioning. Counseling tends also to be insurance company driven. Insurance companies reimburse based on the medical model and will not pay a therapist to do anything other than to treat a problem.

A counselor or therapist is an expert on psychological functioning and so provides expert advice and direction. Coaches, on the other hand, do not seek to provide answers or to direct. Coaches help people to find their own answers. The assumption in coaching is that helping you to be just like everybody else may not be the best thing for you. The coach provides structure, tools, and companionship that allow you to explore your dreams and desires to create a life that is uniquely yours. The coach is nonjudgmental and is committed to helping you to work on only those goals which you choose to work on.

The mainstream population does not hire coaches. Most people are satisfied to live a life that is relatively free of pain and only have a desire to work on their life when they are in a crisis. This "firefighting" mode of living does not help people to excel. The mainstream goals can be best thought of as stability and security. If these are not threatened, then most people have no desire to work on additional goals.

The people that hire coaches can be from any walk of life from a housewife to a corporation president. What they have in common, though is a desire to excel--to live their life to its fullest potential. There is generally a realization that life is short and that current abilities and circumstances will not lead to the fulfillment of their dreams. Such people are motivated to dedicate their time and energy to their purposes even if their life is stable and relatively pain free. Stable and security alone are not satisfying to such people and they are willing to take risks to get more out of life.

Not enough research has been done to accurately assess this question. Probably multiple factors account for this such as an increasing dissatisfaction with life, mistrust and disappointment with the current mental healthcare system, an increasing number of coaches, increased promotion of coaching, and word of mouth referrals from people who have been in coaching. Also, because we are becoming an increasingly mobile society, coaching is becoming an increasingly appealing option to traditional therapies which require you to go their office.

The goals for coaching are determined by you, but the coach will provide tools and support to help you to do this. You do not need to already have goals or skills in goal setting. We will begin by doing a broad assessment of your level of satisfaction with different aspects of your current or most recent relationship. Prior to your coaching session, you will receive a relationship chart. Filling out the chart will help us to find out the areas of strength that you already have and potential areas to focus on. Like everything else in coaching, it is a step-by-step process that is designed to help you experience success.

Coaching is done by telephone or videoconferencing. We do not charge extra for videoconferencing, though you must have the necessary equipment for such contact. Another benefit of our service is that the coach initiates the call. That way, there are no long distance charges to pay. The coach calls at your scheduled appointment time. There are no waiting rooms or receptionists to deal with. There are several advantages to this type of meeting including greater scheduling flexibility (you or the coach can be anywhere where there is a phone), increased privacy (only you and your coach will know), increased comfort (sometimes it is easier to not be sitting directly in front of the person who is asking you the questions). Email does not allow the kind of personal in-the-moment interaction that is needed for effective coaching. Email is used, however, to update each other with information, simple questions, and administrative tasks.

Although coaching involves the combination of action and learning, it is not a classroom or lecture environment. You will be the one to decide what, where, and when you will take action. You never need to take a step before you are ready and can decide not to take a step at all if that suits you. Your coach will help you to make plans and wants to hear about your progress, but will in no way grade you or judge you. The coaching relationship is entirely for your benefit. You can progress as quickly or slowly as you like. Your coach will just help you to make sure that the steps you are taking are truly leading toward a more fulfilling life.

You may contact me by voicemail or email. You can rest assured that wherever I am I will receive your message and will be able to respond quickly, depending on the urgency of your message.

The cost of coaching depends on the level of services that you choose. Basic services are $75 per half hour session. A good way to start if you are new to relationship coaching is by signing up for the introductory package. Regardless of the level of service, You will receive an invoice in your email. You will go to PayPal's secure payment site where you will complete payment by credit card or bank transfer. PayPal will notify me of your payment, but will not share with me your account information. You will receive a receipt for your payments. Payment is required in advance. Because appointments require me to set aside a block of time for you, there are no refunds for missed appointments.

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