The right steps for relationship success

Pair your positive motivation with the right steps to make good progress

 

First, make sure you are not doing things the ineffective way

If you are finding that improving your relationship is hard, don't conclude that your relationship can't be helped. It may be the method you are using. Common mistakes include:

• trying to achieve success in one step (example #1, below), or
• trying to fix more than one problem at a time, (also example #!), or
• taking good steps, but in the wrong order (see example #2, below).

 

Example #1: Trying to achieve success in one step.

Could you make a cake this way?:

Crack two eggs into a bowl with your left hand while emptying the cake mix in with your right hand. Be sure that you are stirring as you add the eggs, etc.

Although making a cake from a mix is not complicated, it becomes very difficult if you try to do more than one step at a time. Some people try to improve their relationships in the same way. They try to stop fighting, use good communication, have a good time, deal with past issues, rebuild trust, and use good boundaries all at the same time. The result? A frustrating relationship mess. Just like your cake would be if you tried to do everything at once.

Example #2: Taking the right steps in the wrong order.

Another chance to bake that cake. One step at a time:

Bake the cake. Enjoy eating it. Mix well. Add two eggs. Add the cake mix.

This way isn't just difficult, it's impossible! Do all the right things, but with the wrong timing, can lose you that job, new friend, or even marriage partner

Here is a common, ineffective way people work on relationships:

• They have conflict, then
• They try to correct the problems causing conflict, then
• They have communication problems while trying to end conflict, then
• They get upset and create even more problems, then
• They give up for awhile, then
• They try again to work on conflict or communication, then
• They have more conflict, then
• Eventually, they give up

Coaches call this cycle a downward spiral because problems don't only repeat, they get worse and worse. People who are participating in downward spirals often conclude that their relationship can't be helped. Nothing could be further from the truth.

By putting steps in a different order and taking them one at a time, you can end the problem cycle.

These 9 steps, taken one at a time, are much easier and faster than trying to do everything all at once:

1. Identify Loveless Behavior Patterns
2. Choose the most important response you need from your partner
3. Create an intervention for getting that response

(steps 1 to 3 usually happen in the first month of relationship coaching)

4. Use good boundaries
5. Build respect
6. Build trust

(steps 4 to 6) usually happen in the second month of coaching

7. Improve communication
8. Increase cooperation
9. Become closer

(steps 7 to 9 usually happen by the end of the third month of coaching).

What do you predict your relationship will be like in three months?

Realities that are revealed by this list of steps (do you know these realities?):

• Problems to work on come from recognizing ongoing patterns
• The use of good boundaries is necessary before expecting a partner to be trustworthy
• Respect and trust must happen before communication can be good
• Communication must be good before people can work together
• Problems that have been around for a long time can't be fixed overnight, or in one step
• Closeness is not required for any of the steps, but it is a final result

 

When you work in relationship coaching, you will use the right skills, in the right order, to have a good relationship in less time and with much less frustration

It will be easier for you because you will only need to focus on one step

Everything in life becomes easier when we break it down into achievable steps. Having an experienced relationship coach help you with each step helps you to feel sure that you are doing the right thing.

There is no need for conflict

You don't need to participate in conflict. Once you know what to do, your partner may need to readjust (for example, earn trust or learn to respect you), but you two don't need to fight about anything, and you don't need to walk on eggshells to avoid conflict. Your coach will teach you how to respond to your partner's typical behavior. Your relationship will build rather than break down.

Each step will bring you closer

The more steps you do, in the right order, the closer you and your partner will become. Working with a relationship coach makes sure that you are doing the right steps, in the right order, for your relationship.

Would you like me to help you make your relationship better?

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