How to Make the Decision to Commit Your Life to a Particular Person

Don't Make a Commitment Based On Love

Love feels great but is the worst basis for deciding to commit to someone. Do you really think all the divorces and breakups happen because the men and women never loved each other to begin with? Of course they loved each other. But good feelings don't keep a relationship together. Good feelings are the result of a good relationship. But how can you know if the relationship will be good?

Living Together is Not a Good Way to Evaluate a Partner

Many couples have tried to evaluate the strength of their relationship by living together rather than making any long term commitments. This, too, does not work. There is ample research to indicate that couples who live together prior to marriage have a higher divorce rate than couples who do not.

Staying Single is Not a Protection Against Being Hurt

The time you spend committed to the wrong person is time you could be with the right person. Whether you marry or not, you can end up just as hurt, angry, and rejected. Just as marrying doesn't ensure happiness, staying unmarried doesn't ensure protection.

Neediness is a Good Predictor of a Bad Relationship

Fortunately, there are better ways to predict whether your relationship will be successful. As stated elsewhere, neediness is harmful to a relationship., Assessing your neediness and your partner's can give you the information you need to make a wise decision. It can also help you and/or your partner to work on vital areas to improve your chances of relationship success.

Widely Used Personality Tests Are Not That Helpful

Personality tests do a good job of matching people according to their beliefs. But, what people believe and what they do are very often different. It is what people actually do and don't do that causes the problems in relationships. If your partner answers on a test that he (or she) believes talking about feelings is important, but always has a hard time doing that with you, which are you going to believe--the test result or your actual experience?

Believe Your Own Eyes and Ears

As an experienced marriage counselor and relationship coach, I help you to identify the real world potential conflict areas along 10 dimensions such as sexuality, finances, children, recreation, socialization, etc. Rather than just telling you what you want to hear, you will have evidence based information to make your decisions.

I Will Never Say Your Partner is Not Right for You

Married or not, I will never advise you to break up, though. I will work with you to see clearly where you are now so you can work on making your relationship successful.

You Can't Get to Where You Want to Go With Your Eyes Closed

Fear keeps people from looking at the truth (whether they and their partner are really suited for each other). Fantasy gives them something to focus on while they are avoiding reality (because we love each other everything will magically work out). You don't need to be the same as those people.

If you follow the laws of reality (like people don't change just because you marry them), you can do what it takes to find a great partner and be sure that you are making a good decision. Or you can get work on your relationship and see if you and your partner can become better suited for each other (before making a commitment decision).

Reality Is Better Than Fantasy

You can begin today to live in the real world (not Hollywood fantasy), and find a real honest to goodness person that you can have a great relationship with for a long time. If you sign up for a free coaching session, I will help you to evaluate those 10 key dimensions.. Where you go from there is up to you.

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