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If You Don't Understand the Process of Relationship Improvement, You Will Give Up Just When Things Are Starting to Get Better

It Is Important to Understand How to Improve a Relationship

Every positive change you make in your life will result in short term conflict with others followed by acceptance and an upward shift in the relationship. When you expect others to respond negatively to your changes, you can learn that their angry response is a signal that things are changing for the better. Although inaction may be easier in the short term, the more you wait for change or try to get others to change, the more you will have a downward shift in your relationship.

To summarize, there are three steps necessary for relationship improvement. None of them require your spouse to attend counseling or coaching. They are no different than improving any other area of your life:

1. Stop doing what does not work. Blame, nagging, coercion, begging, silence, and all attempts to control your partner will result in a worse relationship. Waiting for your spouse to change also does not work.
2. Learn what does work. Regardless of who is the cause of your problems, you can be the solution to them. Learning to meet your needs and your partner’s needs in positive ways that build respect, rather than lose it, will strengthen your relationship.
3. Focus on doing what you have learned. Your actions need to be geared to your desire for the future rather than on what you feel like doing, what you think someone deserves, or what is easiest for you to do at the time.

However You Are Now Supports How Your Spouse is Now

If you can imagine how you would like your spouse to be, then you can imagine what kind of partner such a spouse would have. That is the person you must become. Trying to get your spouse to change first will not work. Do you think your spouse could get better behavior from you (closer, more intimate, and less conflict) if he or she changed her ways? That same principle works in reverse.

<<<<Earn your spouse's respect

Questions from married women>>>>