Earning Your Spouse's or Partner's Respect Is A Priority. How Can He or She Love You Without It?

Action Gains Respect While Inaction Loses It

The only thing you will accomplish by nagging, pleading, complaining, and giving in are losing your partner's respect. And the more you lose your partner's respect, the harder it is for your spouse to love you. Not only that, but you will become more and more resentful and distant from your spouse. It is a downward spiral that you can stop not by waiting, but by taking positive action for the sake of yourself, your spouse, and the relationship.

When You Change The Way You Do Things, Your Spouse Can No Longer Stay the Same

When you make positive changes in your life, your spouse has two possible responses. He or she will change to adjust to you or he or she will end the relationship.Most of the time, spouses make the adjustment because they do value the relationship and because their way will no longer work. The only time when a spouse will leave the relationship is when they have no regard for you and are only using you to support their habit. In which case, they will seek someone else who will support their habit. Do not fail to act for fear of losing such a person.

For example, if your spouse has stopped going out with you, you can choose to try to make your spouse take you out, keep waiting for your spouse to take you out, or make friends to go out with on your own. The first choice will result in prolonged conflict. The second choice will result in feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness. And the third choice will result in initial conflict followed by adjustment. Either your spouse will decide he or she would rather be the one you go out with, or he or she will get used to you going out with others.

"Change My Child. Then, I Will Be a Better Parent"

Another example from a parenting issue. Many times parents bring children to counseling because the children cry, complain, and have temper tantrums. The parents want the therapist to "fix" the child. The therapist wants to work with the parents rather than the child because they are the ones with the power to change the situation. When the parents learn to set limits and not to give in to whining and complaining, initially the child's behavior becomes worse (because they are trying even harder to make their previous strategies work). But, when the parents continue to persist with new and better parenting skills, the child's behavior improves. And, the parents relationship with the child improves.

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