Great Relationship Coach | Relationship Coaching Solutions to Marriage and Relationship Problems
|
Psychologist and Relationship Coach Jack Ito PhD (with his wife Toshie). "I'm Jack Ito. I come from a small town in the North. I'm a churchgoer and a family man. I live with my wife Toshie, our two teen sons, and my mother and father in law. I helped our marines and sailors keep their relationships together when they were trying to forget their time in Iraq. I counseled children and couples for 16 years. I am a psychologist and relationship coach."
|
| Detoxify your relationship. |
Step Two: Detoxify your relationship.After having identified the trap that you have fallen into (step one), it's time to stop the negative pattern that's going on between you and your partner.All partners are not created equal. There are loud ones and quiet ones, angry, blaming ones and depressed, withdrawn ones, perfectionist ones and disorganized ones, emotional ones and unemotional ones. The more a relationship has been stressed, the more extreme your partner is likely to have headed in one of these directions. Simple, positive approaches that help mild problems are unlikely to make a dent in these behaviors. Attempts at unconditional love or "filling the love bank" are likely to be seen as too little too late, not good enough, insincere, or downright stupid. These built-in, almost automatic reactions from your partner can make you want to give up. Although it will seem like that's what your partner wants, it's not. Just like you, deep down, your partner wants you to find some effective way to help him or her and does not want to be rejected. Your initial actions, then, will be to help your partner to get to the place where cooperation is possible and where the same old pattern doesn't work anymore. Love alone won't heal a relationship. People brokenheartedly break up with people they love every day because they don't know how to make their relationship work. There is a time for unconditional love and a time for patience, but when your relationship is burning down around you is not one of them!
In relationship coaching, you can learn how to:
Your effective response to your partner will stop and reverse the damage that is being done to your relationship.A sick person cannot recover while drinking poison. Neither can a bad relationship recover when partners continue to do harmful things. Many people rely on ineffective responses of arguing, distancing, and avoiding to deal with toxic behavior from their partner. Arguing actually poisons the relationship even more while distancing and avoiding just let the relationship die more quietly. For every toxic action your partner does, there is an effective, positive, and low conflict response that you can take. There are specific steps that you should use with a withdrawn partner that you would never use with a hostile one. The same is true for every one of the major types of problem behavior. Unless you had good childhood models of how to deal effectively with these behaviors, there is no reason why you should know how to do it. Because these behaviors are worse under stress, there was probably no way for you to see it coming at the beginning of your relationship. But, there is also no reason to bail out now. you can learn how to put an end to these behaviors for your sake and your partner's (your partner really doesn't want to be like that). Your effective response will detoxify your relationship.
Resolve today to learn how to respond to your partner in a way that is good for both of you and strengthens the relationship. |