How to Show Love in a Relationship
Helping our partner to feel loved and important is the best way for us to protect and strengthen our relationship.
Here are 10 keys ways we can show love to our partners.
1. We show love by telling our partner specifically why we care.
To really show our partner how much we care, we first need to think about what we really care about and express it. We need to hear such words and so do our partners. "I really care about how happy you feel. If there is any way that I can help you to enjoy your life more, then I want to do that." Or, "I really care about your dad's health, too. I know that he has always been there for you, and that losing him would really hurt you a lot." These kinds of messages show thoughtfulness and genuine concern. They don't seem self-serving. They are part of the friendship that is included in our relationship.
2. We show love by saying, "I love you."
Words are important! When we don't say, "I love you," our partners can come to the conclusion that it is difficult for us to say it, which stimulates doubts. The best time to say, "I love you," is when your partner does something that reminds you of one of the reasons that you love him or her. When he makes you laugh, when she sneaks up behind you and puts her arms around you, etc. There are reasons that you chose your partner over someone else. When those reasons show up, make it a point to reaffirm your love with words. Also, make sure you say the words with your lips. It is not enough just to buy Hallmark cards to say it for you.
3. We show love by giving word pictures of our future together.
Once people start believing the best part of their relationship is already over, a downward slide begins. But, it's hard to doubt someone's love when they keep thinking about their future together with you. However you want your relationship to be, paint that as a picture of how your relationship will be. Your vision of the future should include elements that you both want. If you both are career oriented, you could say you are looking forward to the day when you both help each other to be very successful and other people look at you as the perfect couple. Or, perhaps more of a family orientation--talking about how you are looking forward to raising your children together, having a home in the country, etc. A lot of the happiness in a relationship comes from anticipation.
4. We show our love when we do little thoughtful and kind things
Doing little things has more of a message of "I love you," in them, while doing big things often have a feeling of obligation in them. What are little things? Little things are actions which require just a little more effort than usual. They don't take much time or money, but they show that we are thinking about our partner even when he or she isn't around. Sending a text in the middle of your work day, holding the door for him or her, making a toast to something special about him/her, shining her shoes, etc. Something that takes about 5 minutes is probably about right.
5. We show love by making sure our touches are affectionate.
Make your partner feel like you really enjoy just touching and kissing him/her. To make your touching and kisses more affectionate, vary the number and intensity. Just holding your kiss for 15 seconds longer can make a big difference, as can spreading them out over other parts of his/her face and neck. A touch with the fingers can slide a little to become a caress. Make sure that this kind of touching is not done to signal your desire for sex. Love touching and "lust touching" are two different things and your partner can feel the difference.
6. We show love by making your sex passionate.
You can show your love for your partner by really enjoying your sex together. Relax your mind, and let your body get into it, like a good dance. Give your partner what he or she likes with a positive mindset. Talk about what you both like. Make him or her feel sexy. Have planned sex as well as surprise sex. Sometimes, give little sexual "favors" without expecting anything in return. If you have any hang-ups, get over them. It's a very physical and visual way to say, "I love you," and "I desire you." Who wouldn't want that?
7. We show love by dating and doing things together.
Dates are planned. "I want to take you out for pizza this weekend, and then we can walk around the lake." In other words, dates should include something a little special for your relationship and be something you both look forward to. The point of a date is to be together and enjoy each other. Doing things together can include helping. Is he mowing the lawn? Go out and help him. Is she washing the dishes? Go help her. Do them together. It's not about the help, it's about the doing things together.
8. We show love by talking about and listening to intimate subjects.
What are intimate subjects? Anything that we don't usually talk about. It's a kind of sharing--our hopes, memories, thoughts, ideas. These are the parts that don't get to come out of our head much with other people. They are a part of us that very few people get to see. When sharing, be sure to listen without interrupting, and never criticize. Being able to feel secure and share together creates a tight bond. It makes a bubble with you and your partner on the inside and everyone else on the outside. And, it also helps to prevent secret behaviors that could cause more distance in your relationship. Security, sharing, and loving go hand in hand.
9. We show love by making long term plans together and making it a priority to work on them.
This is very loving because it will reduce your partner's doubts and will help him or her to deal with any difficulties in your relationship. Plans are practical steps toward a positive future. They can include planning such things as getting out of debt, having children, career moves, relationship coaching, starting a business, making a geographic move, or anything that will help you both to have a secure and happy future together. Not doing this will make your commitment to the relationship seem doubtful. Showing your desire to work on problems that are obvious to you and your partner will help your partner feel both secure and loved.
10. We show love by making time for our partner every day.
Never make your partner feel second place to your work, your computer games, your friends, or any other thing. Doing that will mean that you are more committed to those things than to your partner. And your partner will desire someone who will put him or her first. Do whatever you have to do to make your partner a priority and to spend time with your partner every day.
is something making it difficult to show love or receive love in your relationship?
Although it's possible to show love in all of these ways and not feel loved by your partner, showing love is the best first step to ensuring a strong and secure relationship. If your relationship already has serious damage, then there may be things getting in the way of your giving or getting love. If so, those obstacles must be removed so that love can be restored. Love which is only in the past does not provide enough fuel for the future.
To deal with obstacles to love in your relationship, you can get the relationship coaching advantage:
- Faster emotional and physical connection
- Faster resolution of problems
- More intimate talking without conflict
- A brighter outlook on your future